The Divorce Industry's Best-Kept Secret: Why Your First Call Should Be to a Coach

Like most people, when I filed for divorce three years ago, my first call was to an attorney. What I didn’t realize then was that while my lawyer handled the legal side, I desperately needed someone to help me see the bigger picture and guide my life forward.through the rest. What followed was over two years of spinning wheels, second-guessing decisions, and feeling like I was navigating the most important transition of my life without a roadmap and alone.

Don't get me wrong. My attorney was excellent at what attorneys do. But I needed something they couldn't provide: someone to help me think through the bigger picture, process my options, and actually plan for the life I wanted on the other side.

It wasn't until after my divorce was final that I discovered there was an entire profession of people who could have been that thinking partner for me. People called divorce coaches. The realization hit me: I had just spent two years figuring everything out the hard way when there were professionals specifically trained to help me navigate it strategically.

That's when I decided to become one myself. And honestly? I'm now living a life I absolutely love, but I can't help wondering how much faster and smoother I could have gotten here with the right guide.

What I Know Now That I Desperately Needed Then

Here’s what I wish I’d known during my own divorce, and what I am sharing now with my clients.: Just as you wouldn’t build a house without a general contractor, you shouldn’t go through divorce without a coach guiding the process.

Think about it: when you build a house, you don't just hire an electrician, and then a plumber and then a framer, etc. and hope everything works out. You hire a general contractor who understands the big picture, coordinates all the specialists, keeps the project on track and on budget, and ensures everything comes together according to your vision.

Attorneys are essential for legal strategy and protecting your rights. Therapists are crucial for processing emotions and healing. Financial advisors help with money decisions. But none of them are trained to be your thinking partner for the whole experience, your general contractor who helps you step back from the chaos and ask the right questions.

That's what divorce coaches do. We're the professionals who help you flesh out ideas, weigh options, and put together a plan that serves not just your immediate needs, but your long-term vision for your life.

Divorce Coach vs Lawyer: The Cost Reality Check

Let me be blunt about the financials, because this is where I could have saved myself serious cash.

Divorce coaches typically charge $150-300 per hour. Attorneys charge $300-1000+ per hour. When you break it down like that, the value becomes obvious.

During my divorce, I called my lawyer every time I felt overwhelmed, confused, or needed to vent about my ex-wife's latest move. Those conversations cost me $400-500 each time. Now I realize I was essentially paying paying premium rates for conversations that didn’t move me forward.

But the real cost wasn't just the hourly fees. A divorce coach could have helped me develop a clear strategy from the beginning, assembled a winning team of professionals who worked together efficiently, and focused on resolutions that were actually practical for my situation. Instead, I wandered through the process reactively, making decisions piecemeal without understanding how they fit together.

As divorce attorney Jacqueline Newman puts it: "Keep the quote, but consider framing: As attorney Jacqueline Newman notes, “It is much less expensive to call a divorce coach… than a divorce attorney.”

In my book, You 2.0: A Better Way Through Divorce, I expand on this idea with real stories and tools to help you avoid the most common (and expensive) mistakes people make. Instead of stumbling through piecemeal decisions like I did, you can take a structured approach that saves you thousands of dollars and months of stress.

"My divorce coach was the one person who kept me grounded and helped me use my lawyer's time wisely. It saved me thousands," one of my clients recently told me.

The Thinking Partner You Don't Know You Need

During my divorce, I made most decisions in isolation or bounced ideas off friends who meant well but had no framework for helping me think through complex choices.I found myself stuck for months on questions such as…

Should I keep the house or sell it? How do I co-parent without constant conflict? How do I rebuild financially and emotionally after years focused on family? How do I tell the kids about major changes? What kind of life do I want to build afterward? How do I make sure I don’t repeat the same mistakes in my next chapter?

A divorce coach would have helped me work through these systematically instead of reactively. We're trained to help you process options, understand implications, and make decisions aligned with your values and goals.

But it's not just about saving money on legal fees, though that's certainly a benefit. It's about having someone whose job is helping you think strategically about the biggest decisions of your life.

How Divorce Coaching Saves You Time and Stress

Looking back, my divorce took over two years partly because I was focusing on things that really didn't matter in the long run while not putting enough attention on the decisions that would actually shape my future. Without the right perspective, it's easy to get caught up in the immediate drama and miss the bigger picture.

Divorce coaches help you get clear on priorities so you focus energy on what will actually impact your future, make decisions efficiently by providing frameworks for thinking through options, stay organized so you're not constantly scrambling or starting over, coordinate your team so everyone works toward the same goals, and keep moving forward instead of getting stuck in analysis paralysis.

"My coach kept me focused on my long-term goals instead of getting pulled into daily drama. " One client told me, “With my coach’s guidance, we finished in eight months—far sooner than the years my friends had predicted.”

The difference isn't just time. It's the quality of the decisions you make along the way.

It's About So Much More Than Getting Through

Here's what surprised me most when I started training as a divorce coach: Divorce coaching isn’t just about getting through the process—it’s about life design.

Yes, we help you navigate the legal process efficiently. Yes, we help you coordinate your team of professionals. But the bonus value is in helping you intentionally create the life you want afterward.

"I thought I was just trying to survive this. My coach helped me realize I could design something better on the other side," one client shared.

That's exactly what I needed. Instead of just trying to get through my divorce, I needed someone to help me envision what I wanted my life to look like in one year, three years, and five years and beyond and make decisions that would get me there.

Now, working with clients, I see the difference this makes. The people who approach divorce strategically with a clear vision for their future and a plan to get there emerge stronger, happier, and more aligned with their values.

The Life You Actually Want

I'm writing this from a life I genuinely love. I have meaningful work, strong relationships with my kids, a good co-parenting relationship with my ex, financial rebuilding, and a sense of purpose I never had in my marriage. Still, I often reflect on how much smoother my path could have been with the right guidance from the start.

Divorce coaches don't just help you get through the legal process. We help you design what comes next. We're trained to help you clarify your values so decisions align with who you want to be, envision your future beyond just "getting this over with," make choices that serve your long-term happiness, not just immediate relief, build systems that support the life you're creating, and stay connected to your bigger vision when the process gets overwhelming.

"Having a coach meant I never felt alone. I had someone who understood and helped me focus on what mattered most, not just surviving the divorce, but becoming who I wanted to be afterward," one client recently shared.

The Professional Reality

I want to be clear about something: good attorneys are worth every penny for what they do. The legal aspects of divorce are complex, and you need someone who knows the law protecting your interests.

But attorneys aren't trained to be life strategists. That's not their job, and it's not fair to expect them to fill that role.

Divorce coaches typically charge $150-300 per hour compared to attorneys at $300-1000+ per hour, but the real value isn't the hourly rate difference. It's that we help you use your attorney's time for what only they can do while providing the strategic thinking and emotional support you need for everything else.

We help you show up to legal meetings prepared, focused, and clear on your prioritiesWe help you process decisions between meetings so you’re not using costly attorney time to sort through your thoughts.

We help you coordinate your team so everyone is working efficiently toward your goals. You move through divorce quicker because you're making strategic decisions with clarity instead of getting bogged down in details that don't serve your future.

What I Know About Outcomes

I've now worked with dozens of people going through divorce, and I see the same pattern every time: the people who have strategic support finish faster, spend less money, make better decisions, and emerge stronger.

More importantly, they create lives they actually love afterward. They don't just survive divorce. They use it as a catalyst for building something better.

Every 42 seconds, there is one divorce in America. Most of those people are about to navigate one of life's most complex transitions without the professional support that could make it efficient, strategic, and aligned with their long-term happiness.

I was one of those people. I figured it out eventually, but it cost me time, money, and unnecessary stress.

The Bottom Line: You Can't Afford NOT to Get a Coach

If you're facing divorce, please don't make the mistake I made. Don't try to figure this out alone. Don't use your attorney as a therapist or life coach. Don't stumble through decisions that will impact the rest of your life without strategic guidance.

Here’s the truth: you can’t afford to go through this without support from a divorce coach.The cost of going without one in time, money, stress, and missed opportunities is far greater than the investment in having the right guide from the beginning.

Think of it this way: when you build a house, you don't call the electrician to coordinate with the plumber. You hire a general contractor who understands the big picture, coordinates all the specialists, and keeps the project on track and on budget.

In divorce, that's exactly what we do, except instead of managing your home renovation, we're helping you rebuild your entire life. And just like you wouldn't attempt a major renovation without a general contractor, you shouldn't attempt a divorce without a divorce coach.

Before you take your first legal step, consider speaking with a certified divorce coach. We’ll help you clarify your options, coordinate your team, and stay focused on creating the life you want afterward.

I love my life now. I really, genuinely love it. I'm happier, more aligned with my values, and excited about my future in ways I never was during my marriage. But I know the path here could have been so much smoother with the right guide.

You don't have to learn everything the hard way. You don't have to make expensive mistakes or take longer than necessary. And you definitely don't have to navigate this alone.

There's a better way, and it starts with having someone trained to help you approach this transition strategically and intentionally.

If you're facing divorce, please learn from my experience. Find a certified divorce coach first. Your future self will thank you for it. I promise.